Modern Challenges that Divorced Dads and Single Fathers Face in Raising Children

In the world today, it is not uncommon for children to be raised by divorced dads and single fathers.  With divorce rates up, more children and parents are finding themselves in this situation.  However, just because something is common, does not make it easy.  For divorced fathers and single dads alike, raising children can be very difficult.

A dad's love for his children does not need to suffer because he is single, and his parenting skills needn’t either.  However, parenting children between the ages of 6 and 18 is difficult for anyone, and a single dad faces a different set of obstacles when raising his children then do his married counterparts.  There is no wife to hand the children off to if the day has been stressful, no one to help when a child is sick or misbehaving and no one to comfort you when you need it. 

Children in this age range are changing on a daily basis, making parenting even tougher.  When they are young they are just beginning to become independent, one minute they are pushing you away and the next they are hanging on you like a toddler.  Unfortunately, for the single or divorced dad, teenagers are much the same.  They desperately want their independence, but still have so much to learn about the world and they need you to guide them.

One of the best things that you can do for your children, and for yourself, is to consistently affirm your love for them.  Let them know on a daily basis that they are loved and treasured, no matter what your day may have been like or how poor their behavior may have been.  Children, especially at this stage in their lives, become unsure about themselves and about where they stand with the people in their lives, and that includes dad.  They need to be reminded that no matter what, you still love them.

So how do you do this?  The simplest way to let your children know how much you love them is through a written "I Treasure You" note.  This note can include a something simple affirmation, a joke or even a smiley face tucked into a young child’s lunch box.  Children love to open their lunches and find something from dad.  They will show their friends and teachers and will undoubtedly be the subject of envy. Then, the child can keep the note in a Treasuring Chest and look at it again and again as the days and weeks pass. Having a Treasuring Chest to store all of these notes will give the child a sense of ongoing affirmation that can be revisited even years later.

When affirming to older children and teens, the "I Treasure You" note cards and a Treasuring Chest is a great tool. Placing notes near the Treasuring Chest or even mailing their notes to them will help them be more accepting of the message that you are wanting to get through.  These written notes can be a way to open the door to discussions of touchy subjects. Teenagers are often embarrassed when a parent tells them they love them; these letters and notes are a great way for a single mother to tell her child that she is proud of them without embarrassing them.  A teenager will save the notes and read them often, thus reminding themselves that they are indeed loved.

The next time that you feel overwhelmed or uncertain about your role as a single dad, take a minute to breathe and then write them a nice "I Treasure You" note telling them how much you love them.  Affirm a positive trait, a task well done or a new activity tried. Consider that note like a piece of gold that you are depositing in their self-confidence bank. Take the note and put it next to their pillow where they will see it in the morning.  It will be a great experience for both of you.

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